Asking "What Would You Say You Do Here?" Is Not A Constitutional Crisis

"I am good at dealing with people... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!"

Elon Musk has a question for the government, the same question he asked of Twitter employees years ago, and it’s making otherwise smart, sane, respectable people absolutely lose their minds.

Now, of course I understand that this is not a question everyone needs to answer, least of all people within the intelligence community, sensitive areas of the State and Defense Department, or any of the people charged with listening in to the calls of other foreign government officials or minding the drone positioned just out of sight of the next Islamic bad guy we might just decide to send to paradise to find out the disappointing news of why all those ladies were virgins. But for the vast majority of government employees, this is a question that they should be able to answer, and answer readily, because it’s a question they already answer within their departments.

When I was a teenaged Starbucks employee I had to fill out a checklist of the tasks I did every day. As an opener, who got up before dawn to ensure Gina Haspel could get her Grande Latte with a Lemon Knot every day at 7:30 on her morning commute (this is true), there were certain things we were supposed to get started every day as time allowed — the most important and time-consuming of which was pre-brewing a ton of coffee in a certain combination to make cold brew overnight. The problem is that doing this meant taking out one of the brewers for an extended amount of time with a high-test form of coffee you couldn’t serve to customers, so you had to time it right. You also had to clean the espresso machine after the morning rush, but again, that meant taking it out of service for a chunk (these were the older machines, the big La Marzocco ones built like a midcentury Buick, that cost in excess of 12 grand, and you had to back flush and do a whole manual process or everyone in the afternoon would be drinking bitter coffee — I don’t think Starbucks has this problem any more on the newer machines, they just press like two buttons and it automatically does the thing that would take you 15-20 minutes and end up inevitably burning your hand). So inevitably one of these things would slip: you wouldn’t have time for the cold brew, or you wouldn’t have time for the cleaning, and if you did both you wouldn’t have time for a break and a cigarette, so that was left for the afternoon folks who were slower moving and stoned to handle.

When I ended up as a political appointee at HHS in the Bush Administration, the requirements for reporting were far less than what was required at Starbucks on a daily basis. But each week, we had to report to our superiors what we were planning on working on at a Monday meeting and then what we’d actually gotten done on Friday. The Friday report took much less time than cleaning the espresso machine and you didn’t smell like burnt coffee or milk at the end of it.

So when I see utter bullshit like this Twitter thread from someone I think is smart like Jesse Singal, it honestly makes me wonder how some people think the government even works. An expectation that people come into the office, handle the logistics of a commute, and work in a cube for a reasonable number of hours alongside their colleagues is not some unreasonable burden. And asking people to report what it is they’re doing in that cubicle — where a lot of people make it their job to learn how to look like they’re working while actually doing as little as possible — is not torture, nor is it something a special advisory group focused on efficiency is not allowed to ask.

In fact, the idea that any group focused on efficiency can’t ask that question is a sign you just don’t care about whether the government wastes taxpayer money or not. You just want it to flow forever, an unending river of cash into the pockets of bureaucrats who “work” from home with side hustles galore. Why do you think the buyouts and retirements are up to nearly four percent of the government? You’ll be astounded to discover how much work they didn’t do. Well, unless you live in Washington and somehow they’re always watching YouTube on their laptop while drinking at the local by 1 PM. (I see you Fred.)